Sunday, July 7, 2013

Mustaches for sale

Spotted these awesome guys at Forever 21 in the Irvine Spectrum:

Friday, August 14, 2009

Mustaches 'round the world

This just in from our international mustache scout: a sighting of a classic Greek 'stash. Thanks Matt for the great candid shot. I hope this fine specimen knows how great his lip warmer is. We expect many more great European and Asian womb brooms shortly from our foreign correspondent.
This truly is a classic 'stash. Look at the beautiful styling, I'd say it's definitely a well defined chevron. I also love how he is sporting it au naturel and owning his grayness. It really is true, men only get better with age, as do mustaches. Great job sir, great job!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


There is a new love in my life and she is almost as cool as a mustache. I am the proud owner of a totally insane little French Bulldog, whom I affectionately refer to as Monster (She looks an awful lot like the doggie to the left, only with big ol' bat ears standing straight up) . Sadly, being a puppy, she has eaten into my bloggy bloggy time and so I'm behind on posts. Luckily she is perfect for blog fodder and so, without further delay, the subject of today's post: Doggie Mustaches!!!

I encourage everyone to submit their best doggie 'stash pic. Just post 'em in the comments section. The following pics are for hilarity and enjoyment:

I am not the owner or taker of the above photos. I like to give credit where credit is due, thus, here are the links to all of the pages where I pilfered the above photos. Check 'em out, give them a shout out and tell them to keep rocking dogs with 'stashes! (In reverse order, because I'm like that)

Wednesday, July 29, 2009


Tramp stamps are a remnant of a bygone era, unless you count the 30 somethings still rockin' them out the back of their saggy butt mommy jeans. Goofy "Asian" language tats are receding like so many aging hairlines, and what the heck happened to all those awesome "tribal" tattoos that you can now buy in rub-on form at your local supermarket? No, this trend is a little more stealthy, and a million times more hilarious. That's right, it's the finger-stash tat! The people of Stuff White People Like have picked up on it, so it's got to be trendy right?

So a big 'Stash salute to all those rocking the finger stash, and check out for more inspiration!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Study Beard

Today marks the official start of the NY Bar. As homage to all my poor little soon-to-be-lawyer friends I'm going to give them some tips and tricks for re-integrating back into society. That's right friends, now that the test is over, it's time to sleep normal hours, bathe regularly, feed yourself something besides energy drinks and most importantly STOP TALKING LIKE A CRAZY LAW-BOT!

The "study beard" is a time-honored tradition around the world. During the taking of any big test it is common practice for men to stop shaving. It tells the world, "I am studying so hard I don't have time to waste on grooming. All waking moments are dedicated to knowledge that I should have learned over this last quarter / semester / year / time in school." I myself rocked many an awesome study beard during finals. Upon completion of said test, a decision must be made. Does one stay the course and keep growing epic facial hair, shave it off in total or take this opportunity to experiment with the myriad options available for facial hair? Naturally I lean towards experimentation, and this post will be an introductory guide to beard styling.

One post is far too small to cover the full scope of beard styling and maintenance so I will focus on two important points. The top, or cheekline, of the beard and the bottom, or jawline, of the beard. The cheek line typically is the most obvious to maintain and yet eludes many a fine beardsman. There is the natural approach, simply letting the beard decide where it will stop, but that often results in a sparse, patchy area on the cheeks that is simply too rugged for most men (Lumberjacks and Bear Daddies excluded). The basic approach is to follow the contour of the cheek bone. Locate the cheek bone, and then find the spot where your beard is filled out enough to make a solid edge. On most people this will be a line that is parallel to the cheek bone and roughly between the corner of the mouth and the bottom to middle of the ear lobe. I like to keep my beard connected to my side burns, so I use the natural angle created by my sideburns and simply highlight it by cleaning it up. Believe it or not, there is a reason for this. Not only does it make you look kempt, but it actually enhances the look of your cheek bones. We are using our natural facial hair to help define the face and give a more chiseled manly appearance. While this video is not a good example of manliness, it does help you locate the cheek bones and give you an idea of what I'm talking about:

The bottom of the beard is a more complicated. There are many more options available. We are going to narrow it down and assume that we are designing a beard that is more natural in scope. The first is to simply let the hair go wild, and grow down your neck towards your chest hair. Fine, but sloppy. You could also pick an arbitrary line and just slice straight across your neck, firmly saying, "This is where my beard stops!" Also a fine option, but it does nothing to enhance one's facial features.

The next option is to crop the beard to the crease where the neck and jaw connect. Think of it as the edge of the shadow created by your jaw. It's about an inch or two from the edge of the jaw, and will form a natural curve, following the contours of the face. This is a very simple approach and allows for a lot of wiggle room. Just try and keep things equidistant from the jaw and you can do no wrong.

Cropping further, we move to the jaw line, or just below the jaw line. This is the most groomed option we are going to cover. The method is the same as we've explored. Simply locate the jawline, and use it as a guide. Create a parallel line approx 1/2 inch or so from the jawline, or right up against the jaw line. This requires some patience, and some skill, but the results are well worth it.

This approach works well for any sort of unruly facial hair, be it a Strike beard, Finals beard, Playoff beard or others. And let us not forget, you can always start over again!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

BBQ, Cowboys and Mustaches!

Sometimes advertising money does exactly what it's supposed to do - makes you spend money. After watching Unwrapped last night I began craving a Burger King Quad-stack. Lo and behold, there happens to be a BK near my work. As is typical with chain fast food joints in the greater NY area, the management clearly only read half the user manual because their ability to control the crowd was abysmal. At 3:15 on a Wednesday they should be more than able to monitor traffic, set up lines accordingly and have a pick up station with one or two people filling orders. In lieu of this, the managers clearly thought it would be better to have each cashier taking and filling orders while the queue forms a massive free-for-all of strollers, baby mamas and Fulton St. miscreants. While my order was more or less correct, my distaste for incompetence combined with my hunger led me to the Burger King website where I was hoping to flame-broil the proprietor of this location.

I know you are no doubt wondering how the hell this relates to facial hair. Allow me to come full circle. Whilst on the Burger King website I stumbled upon this delightful piece of advertising genius:

Much like the "Simpsonize Me" campaign that ran rampant on the internet during the theatrical release of the Simpsons Movie, this little website is an attempt to go viral and generate interest in some various products from the King. I can only assume that it involves BBQ sauce due to the western motif. I know I'm falling into their little trap by blogging about it, but as the saying goes, "Don't look a gift mustache in the mouth". Basically the user uploads a pic of themselves and then they draw and style a 'stash on said photo. Pretty cool. Lots of fun and obviously silly.

So in conclusion, I'm going to hope that some higher ups at BK stumble upon this blog and send me some free burgers for being so kind and helping them go viral. I'm also letting the public and BK Corp. know that Store number 11184 needs some serious help adhering to the clean and streamlined corporate standard that I know they work so hard to maintain.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Mustaches.... now for your iPhone!

In the realm of fake mustaches there haven't been that many changes for years and years. I'm sure the ancient Greeks used some glue and clumps of hair for their fake 'stashes, not that far from what we use today. A little spirit gum, a little makeup magic and presto chango! Glorious lip hair!

Well just like everything else in our fast paced society, the fake 'stash is going digital. That's right, there is factually an app for that. I applaud the fine people at Probability Interactive for spending time on things that truly matter. I'm sick of all these apps that calculate my tip, or find my car, or allow me to watch porn in uncomfortably public settings... wait, where was I going with this?

Oh yeah! Electro-stash! Basically you speak into the back of your iPhone and the on-screen 'stash and mouth combo speaks for you. Very innovative and loads of laughs. I recommend you get yours today!

From the looks of the screen shots you have your choice of four 'stashes:

Scruffy: Actually a goatee, but we'll take it

: Classic 'stash, super thin like the one worn by legendary Actor and Director John Waters

: This is the classic Chevron but as I mentioned in an old post, it has military roots.

: well, it's a horseshoe, like Hulk Hogan wears, only less blond.

And last but not least; check out this little video of some kids using said app to get a feel of what it can do: